How to Choose the Right Dating Coach for You
Finding the right dating and relationship coach for you can be really difficult, especially since it’s a growing industry and dating is incredibly difficult these days.
But let’s be honest—the struggle is real. (Yes I still say that.)
As a former professional matchmaker and conscious breakup coach, I wanted to write this article for you if you’re considering seeking expert help to land you the love of your life.
Now, this isn’t a sales pitch, or an article to degrade other types of coaching styles; I’m simply sharing my experience having been a matchmaker and dating coach, and now someone who invites others to do the inner healing work to release their ex and call in conscious love.
Having been in the relationship industry for over six years, I’ve seen and learned a lot.
I’ve seen what works, and what definitely has not, not just for others—but myself too.
I’ve seen peoples’ motivations, and my own.
I’ve seen how mindset plays a huge role.
And the list goes on.
Today I want to not just share with you what to look for, but also what you might be looking for that might leave you pockets empty, and unfulfilled.
Before we jump in, let’s address these two important questions to ask yourself:
Why are you actually looking for a dating/relationship coach?
Are you ready to do inner/conscious work?
Why are you actually looking for a dating/relationship coach?
I know this question seems redundant but the honest answer to this question is incredibly important.
When I worked as a professional matchmaker, I’d conduct so many interviews, and many people replied to this question with “because I’m busy and I just want to find the right person now,” which sounds normal and legit—to an extent.
But if that’s true, then how will you be NOT too busy to have a partner and go on dates? What about if you want to grow into a family?
It might be partly true that you’re busy (and who isn’t?), but what’s the deeper motivator?
In my experience I learned first hand that we always make time for what we do want to do, and we avoid things that bring us pain or confront our fears around rejection.
Are you feeling hurt, and you want someone to support you through the experience?
Are you trying to avoid the experience of dating because it hurts too much to feel the rejection?
Whatever your honest answer to this question is, acknowledge it. Invite yourself not to cover up what’s really going on for you. Let that part be seen, otherwise you will be met with resistance throughout the process and be afraid to trust it.
My second question: are you ready to do inner/conscious work?
The biggest thing I learned as a matchmaker is that most of the people coming to the service didn’t want to do virtually any level of introspection; they just wanted to hand me their list and leave it completely up to me.
This insight was one of the biggest inspirations as to why I do what I do.
Inner work is the gateway to calling in a healthy, conscious partner. It has nothing to do with a set of features someone comes with.
It’s not about finding that “right” person and that things just fall into place—despite what we’ve been told by our parents and grandparents in their fairytale romances.
We have to look at our shadow; the parts of us with unhealed wounds and fears that keep us from calling in love that we deserve.
Without us looking into these deeper parts of ourselves, we could meet someone incredible, but it might not last.
I vowed that when I left matchmaking, I’d help people truly get to know who they are, because once you do that, you begin calling in a partner that aligns with you.
It becomes less about finding the right person, but becoming the right person.
Are you ready to do conscious inner work, or are you just trying to avoid that altogether because it’s “woo woo?”
If you think it’s “woo-woo,” that might just be you trying to avoid letting yourself experience this emotional process.
Okay, now that we’ve got those questions out of the way, and you’re still willing to read on (kudos to you), let’s dive into the specifics of what to look for in a dating/relationship coach:
Similar life/relationship experiences. The world will tell you that you should work with the most educated or qualified, but I can tell you right now that above all that, I personally want to work with people who have been in my shoes. There are so many dating and relationship coaches out there, but I always advise to choose someone who you relate to or share similar experiences or trials and tribulations. I used to be a “single matchmaker” and now I realize how misaligned that was, and so if you are looking to consciously call in love, find a coach who you perceive to have the kind of relationship you want to call in. If you want to call in more self-love, find a coach who you feel emulates an inner confidence that inspires you to keep going on the journey.
Shared belief system. I consider myself a spiritual and conscious coach, so if someone wants support in their dating life or dealing with a breakup but doesn’t believe they’re a spiritual being, it’s going to be really hard to foster that trust and rapport needed to have a strong coaching relationship throughout our time together. And this is just one example and the way I conduct my work, but we all have different beliefs. Again, there’s so many coaches out there, so be sure that you’re not just looking at what’s available to you nearby—thank goodness for virtual coaching! As a personal example, I am drawn to go deeper with my Breathwork practice, and even though I was drawn to one teacher’s program, when I attended his class, he took the spiritual elements out and called them “woo woo” which is fine for some, but that was a dealbreaker for me. Our beliefs were different despite the fact that he was an expert. Don’t be afraid to keep looking for someone who is a “hell yes” in your books in beliefs.
Alignment in goals/being on the same page. What do you want to get out of your dating coaching relationship, versus what your coach offers? A lot of people come to me—all of whom I have to turn down—because they want me to produce “results” and help them get over their ex by a certain time. Not only is it impossible for me to control someone else’s life and outcomes, but I’ve seen how that panned out back when I was a matchmaker. Personally, I don’t offer tangible or external outcomes, but shifts in perspective, energy, mindset, and sense of self. Check in with yourself to see what your goals are and seek a coach who offers that alignment for you.
You feel excited and ready for this step. We’ve all been there where we’re only Googling at 2am to find “solutions” for our breakup and dating woes but today I invite you to consider that next time you’re looking for a relationship coach, see if you get excited and feel drawn to their content, videos or podcasts, and feel intuitively excited about working with them. Don’t just work with someone because you feel you have “no other choice” or are in fear-mode. Choose a coach from a place of love for yourself, trust in the process and more.
I hope this article helped you refine what you’re looking for in a relationship coach; remember to trust when you feel guided to a coach, and do it from a place of self-love.
If you feel called to work together, click here.
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!