When You Feel Robbed of Your Future After a Breakup (How to Heal)
I know what you’re thinking—what the F%^K do I do NOW?!
As a conscious breakup coach, I hear that ALL THE TIME.
And I’ve lived it.
So today—we’re talking about it.
How do you deal with those anxiety-inducing feelings that the future you thought was promised is how officially—gone.
I remember in my relationship years ago, before I was married, thinking that even if things weren't very good between my ex and I—at least I kind of had a future promised if I stayed.
As if holding on and keeping that future vision alive was better than my own mental health and how I felt in the present in that relationship.
(I know you relate.)
And so as your breakup coach, I’m here to tell you something:
That future vision—the one of you being happy and emotionally loved, heard and seen—was probably not going to happen with the person you were last with—even if your mind tells you.
Oh my gosh YES I just said that.
But I want to tell you why: the mind is really strategic. It has us believing things to get us to get back with our ex and reestablish our “safety” even if the person we were with wasn’t a good contribution to our mental health most of the time.
I know it feels like getting out of that relationship means you’re starting fresh and that vision of happiness with someone is being wiped away.
But only the starting fresh part is true—and that’s a good thing.
Because you actually deserve to be happy (I hope I’m not the first to tell you that).
To think about the things that weren’t so good in your relationship.
That didn’t serve you or the relationship.
The relationship patterns that were in constant motion, gridlocking the both of you.
You need to think about those things and begin healing and sometimes that means clearing the slate and starting from experience.
And sometimes (I know this is true for a lot of my clients), we think it’s better to hold onto our last relationship because the unknown of the future is too scary, not realizing that what’s ahead is actually going to be incredible.
Maybe you had a 5 or 10-year relationship that just end, or even one of those promising short relationships end.
Regardless, there’s no way in HECK (I don’t feel like swearing today) that the Universe has decided “oh, well—guess [insert your name here] is doomed. This was their last relationship for life and they will never be happy again”
I’m sorry—that’s not happening.
Because I can’t tell you how much I hated (in the beginning) starting fresh.
Licking my wounds. Feeling like I failed another relationship.
But I realized, after some time, that that vision of my future was supposed to be with someone else—not my ex.
And that’s the case for you too, most likely.
I just want to tell you that that vision of you having this beautiful, blossoming, thriving relationship is what lies ahead.
None of that other mental chatter is true.
And if you need that chatter to be quiet, I have an entire library of breakup-specific healing meditations for you to sink your teeth in whenever you feel this way.
I can’t tell you how many times I felt like THIS WAS THE END of my happiness. But I trusted that that vision I had for myself was for me.
But maybe not just with the person I had just ended things with.
Your future is still going to happen. The path to getting there just looks a bit different.
The Universe is always full of surprises.
I love you,
xo
Nancy
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I hope this article found you in a timely manner and you feel more empowered to choose yourself even when it’s hard <3
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What’s next?
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Thank you so much for making time to care for yourself today. Let this article sink in and feel free to return to it whenever you need it. And join the conscious breakup collective if you haven’t already where I give conscious breakup advice & go live!
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!