Here's What Your Breakup Will Teach You About Yourself
Maybe you’re reading this thinking, “my ex put me through hell; I can’t say they really taught me anything.”
Or, “since the breakup, my whole live has been flipped upside down.”
As a breakup coach, I’ve heard this a lot. And I’ve said this myself. I am no stranger to a tough breakup.
But guess what? Every experience of ours has something to teach us. The sooner we come to understand this, the less painful it becomes, and the more enlightened you feel.
It might not be something we grasp initially, especially if the breakup devastated us.
Maybe you got left at the altar; or maybe you were cheated on. Maybe you were in a relationship for years, and the person just decided one day it was over. Maybe they just totally ghosted you after after many promises of a secure future together.
These moments are absolutely devastating. Even just ending a relationship on conscious terms doesn’t make heartache any easier.
But when we dwell in the emotions of our breakup, sometimes we can get so caught up in the story of what happened, that we forget about what these emotions are revealing to us.
Today I wanted to take a few moments just to talk about the teachings that come when we end a relationship.
Even if it wasn’t your decision to end the relationship, there’s so much to see beyond the tough stuff.
1. Our breakups teach us what we DON’T want, so we can attract what we DO want.
You know when you’re doing your post-breakup analysis, and suddenly realize all the red flags you saw right from the beginning? You might be tempted to bang your head against the wall for not seeing them. You might punish yourself for being so “stupid.”
But you’re seeing them for the first time because you’re supposed to see them now. We all learn certain things at different times, and today these are your lessons. And they’re guiding you towards attracting what you do want in the future.
Today, take a look at what you’ve discovered you do want, by seeing what it is you don’t want in your ideal relationship.
Maybe you thought having someone with a super high-level career was fabulous on paper, but you realize you need more quality time than a 70-hour/week CEO can give you.
Maybe you realize you need someone who does like phone calls, because your ex was horrible at answering texts, and brutal at keeping you up to date of their life.
What have you learned that you do need in a relationship? Take a piece of paper and watch with your very own eyes everything you’ve learned from reflecting after this relationship.
2. It helps you see things you’ve been burying deep down
Real talk: I used to date people to actually hide my insecurities, instead of dealing with them in order to attract a healthy relationship.
I just dated people I hoped I wouldn’t have to get vulnerable with.
Of course, I was doing a lot of this unconsciously. But I could analyze my feelings to discover I was really struggling in the relationship department.
Time and time again, I would pretend I was a calm and collected girlfriend, which essentially meant I would hide my secret “neediness.” But only during my breakups was I actually able to ask myself, “why am I so needy?”
I realized after doing the work (the work my clients and I now do) that, since I was a young child, it wasn’t safe for me to be vulnerable, given that I grew up with an emotionally distant father. (This was a story I’ve now let go of.) This had me believing that I needed to hide my vulnerability in order to be loved.
This idea that I needed to hide my vulnerability is not something only I experience. So many of us go through this, but with unique stories attached to the same unconscious patterns.
Our breakups help us see things we otherwise wouldn’t. They help us see what needs healing from even our childhoods.
What patterns might you be unconsciously repeating from your parents that are holding you back from a deep, long-lasting connection?
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If you need additional support growing through your breakup, be sure to reach out to me here to book a session. here.