How to Stop Dating Emotionally-Unavailable Partners (According to a Breakup Coach)

For most of my life, I was attracting emotionally-unavailable partners, or partners who just didn’t see a future with me.

Or would still be hung up on their ex.

Or want to date me for three dates until actual emotion starting becoming involved.

But then, I did the inner work (the kind I’m going to share with you today!), and I sit here writing to you as someone who’s getting married in a few months to the most amazing and conscious man.

Because I want my success story to be yours. I know it will be yours.

So, I need to share what I’ve learned—not just as a conscious breakup coach—but as a person who always loved love, because it was through articles like these that shaped how I dated after feeling like I was getting beaten down emotionally from the dating scene.

Maybe you’re here today because you’ve just gotten out of yet another relationship where the other person just couldn’t commit or be fully emotionally invested.

And you just want to learn what it’s going to take to stop this pattern and actually attract someone healthy, conscious and ready for you.

Oh, by the way, I’m hosting my online Manifest Your Dream Partner Live Event tomorrow where we’re going to take what I’m sharing today and go even deeper tomorrow so you can feel good about learning the true foundation for manifesting a healthy and conscious relationship in the exact same way I learned to manifest my fiance. Full details here.

Alright, if you’re feeling excited, then let’s dive into today’s article!

step 1:

I needed to stop saying yes to emotionally-unavailable men when my higher self was screaming NO. You know when you just accept that hangout from that person who only wants to see you every few weeks? One might call that a “situationship” or a “it’s complicated” kind of situation. Yeah, that needs to stop. I was spending a lot of mental energy on someone who almost never texted me, and only asked me to hangout after 8pm. If I was going to find a real relationship, it wasn’t going to happen by continuing to see (or think about often) someone who is emotionally unavailable or displaying these kinds of behaviours. You can’t do the inner work if you stay in the environment that’s keeping you stuck in the same pattern(s).

Remember that.

Now, this is obviously a really challenging part of the journey, but the most crucial because you can’t invite something new into your life if you’re still playing out old patterns and settling for the low-hanging fruit.

And yes, your “situationship” IS low-hanging fruit.

Sure, you feel lonely, or you think there’s no one better to meet right now, but for as long as you keep that low-vibrational attachment in your world, you won’t be making emotional, mental, physical or spiritual space for someone new to enter your life.

Step 2:

Get really honest about why you continue to date emotionally unavailable partners. I mentioned above that you might feel lonely or you think there’s no one more interesting to connect with at this time or in your town, so why not just enjoy it until you find the right person? Well, it turns out it’s a lot deeper than that.

In my case, when I got really honest with myself, I started learning that I was attracting emotionally unavailable partners because I didn’t think emotional availability was possible. Sure, that girl over there was worthy of something amazing, but me? Ha. No.

Truly, that’s how I felt about myself. That was my honest, raw belief about myself.

It wasn’t that I just “stumbled” on these kinds of partners—I was calling them in because my self-love was so low.

This is key here. We attract what is a vibrational match to us.

If we have low self-esteem, we’ll attract someone who will feed into these insecurities we have.

If we truly had a strong sense of self and self-love, we wouldn’t tolerate these attitudes or behaviours at all. We’d just leave.

Looking even deeper, I had never had an emotionally available relationship with a man in my family.

So, step 2 is actually looking at your deeper-rooted stories of why you’ve been attracting emotionally unavailable partners. This is what I love to support my clients in 1:1. Some days in session I take them through a deeply relaxing meditation that brings these awarenesses to the surface to acknowledge and honor them and let them go. It can be challenging to access these stories and beliefs we’ve buried in our subconscious, but you can do it on your own if you get yourself relaxed enough.

Step 3:

Get clear on what emotional unavailability looks like for you. This is a crucial step since sometimes we write off entire people instead of analyzing certain behaviors that clearly showcase emotional unavailability. The more we can identify what no longer serves our new mindset in dating, the better we can weed out those who are no longer a vibrational or emotional match to us.

Do they rarely text you? Do they make plans last minute? Do they avoid conflict? Do they not communicate their feelings? Do you often feel worried about where you stand with them? Do they do things that constantly make you think you’re the one who needs to be more patient even though you’re constantly trying to be patient?

Literally, take a pen and paper, write it all down. Get really specific and go through all the people you’ve dated and think about the things that stand out for you, even if it doesn’t seem like it would be a big deal to someone else—it’s a big deal to you and that’s what matters.

Seriously, don’t keep reading until you do this as Step 4 I have another step to follow up to this exercise.

Step 4:

It’s time to declare what you’re no longer willing to accept. Choose powerfully today that you will no longer settle for these behaviours.

You won’t try to change, alter or fix these behaviours in hopes the other person will grow or accept you and your needs.

You will take the actions and words of the people you date for face value, and say “no thank you” to another date or hangout if they display this pattern.

You won’t try to convince yourself that YOU misunderstood.

But instead, trust that you are witnessing behaviours that don’t serve your highest good, and set them free.

You will make space for those who are ready, willing and able.

You won’t get mad when you meet someone emotionally unavailable on a date, you’ll say “thanks for the date” and set them free.

Because you trust that your committed, conscious and willing partner is on the way, but until then, you’ll continue to trust your instincts that tell you when someone displays emotional unavailable behaviours.

You can trust yourself, your instincts and know that you are always guided on this path.

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I hope these 4 steps helped you see a deeper perspective when it comes to emotional unavailable partners.

The first step to finding a healthy relationship for those who find themselves dating emotionally-unavailable partners is to get clear on what’s gotten them to this point.

For me, this required such honesty and love for myself, because it’s hard to take responsibility that I called these types of partners in. It felt so unfair.

But I’m glad I did, because without this work I wouldn’t have cleared what I needed to in order to meet my fiance and start my happily ever after.

I want this for you, too.

This is my life purpose, and it’s my mission to help every person find conscious love after heartbreak.

If you feel called, let’s work together to help clear the patterns that keep you stuck in love, or whatever worries are on your heart.