Here's Why You Can't Cut Off Your Ex (According to a Breakup Coach)
Okay, so you’re dreaming of the day you finally get over your ex.
The only (slightly major) problem? You can’t seem to cut if off with them.
Your keep saying to yourself (and your best friends), “I KNOW I have to cut things off…”
And yet, here we are.
Slightly confused why you just…can’t.
Maybe you’ve rationalized your way out of doing what you know is for your highest good because:
It’s not like you two had some big fight you can blame it on
You don’t want there to be ZERO love prospects in your life
It feels good knowing you can still talk (even if it’s not the way you’d like to be talking)
You don’t want to feel lonely (even though you feel hella lonely right now)
And trust me, a conscious breakup coach, I get it. Who the hell wants to be lonely, especially with everything we’ve all been through the last year and a half.
But I’ll let you in on a little secret…okay?
That future relationship you’re dying to have—the one where they make you coffee in the morning after an amazing night together, where you spend all day just being with each other with no fear of being sent home, or that one where you never have to wonder where you stand in the relationship.
Yeah, that’s all waiting for you right after you cut off your ex.
(Okay, not right after, but soon-ish…I know this because this is exactly my story.)
Sometimes it’s not enough for us to say, “they’re not good for me.”
Sometimes you have to know what’s waiting for you on the other side in order to walk through the fear.
I know you’re uncomfortable, and you don’t want to face the proverbial music—but who does?
I know you’re waiting for there to be a massive fight, or maybe you think whatever half-asked situationship you’re in isn’t so bad.
But as my spiritual coach used to tell me, “one drop of poison spoils the whole pot of honey.
And it’s so true in this context.
I mean think about it: you’re spending so much time and energy on this person who you’ve barely seen since your split.
And yet part of you is convinced that you’ll just cut it off once you find someone new.
Innocent, right?
No.
I’ve been here, and so have many of my clients.
We pretend our situation isn’t so bad so we don’t have to go through the discomfort of actually cutting our exes off.
Our minds are literally designed to help us avoid pain—even emotionally.
Emotional threats are very real threats to our minds.
But here’s what’s crucial for you to know right now:
You’re reading this right now, in this exact moment, because your Higher Self told you that you’re ready to put your ex in the past.
Your soul is ready to cut ties and make space.
You can’t make space for someone new if you’re still fixated energetically, mentally or emotionally on someone else.
You just can’t…
“…But I’m afraid of losing them…”
Well guess what? They’ve already lost you, and broke your heart along the way.
They lost you when they couldn’t be there for you the way you needed them to be.
They lost you when you finally said enough is enough when you gave them way more than they were ever willing to give you.
They lost you when you finally realized there is someone else out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
How’s that for a tremendous loss?
Whatever loss you’ve been worried about facing, it’s already happened, or it’s happening right now.
Isn’t it?
Think about it this way…
If you’re already broken up, then you’ve already made an energetic agreement that the full relationship is over.
Whatever you’re hanging onto is actually the avoidance of fear.
Fear of feeling lonely, even though you feel lonely now.
Fear of not being loved, even though you feel unloveable now.
Fear of not having someone, even though you don’t have them now (and arguably, may have never fully had them.)
It’s time to start making decisions out of love and trust in yourself.
Can you love yourself enough to want more for yourself?
Can you trust that it’s okay to walk with faith even when you’re scared?
Can you love yourself enough to know that your happily-ever-after is waiting after this period of detachment?
For what it’s worth, I love you, and I know you are stronger than you think you are right now.
—
You are ready to face what you need to face.
(I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that tiny voice inside your head saying you “can’t do this” because I DID hear a voice of hope from you.)
If you are reading this it’s because your Higher Self is guiding you even when you feel scared—please remember that.
You’re always being led to the resources that are here to support you.
Be sure to check out my 21-Day Meditation Journey to Heal Yourself During a Breakup if you want to experience a deep release and need help detaching from your ex.