22 Ways to Get Over Your Ex in 2022, According to a Breakup Coach
With the new year upon us (seriously, thank god), it’s time to shed old beliefs and old patterns holding us back from living our fullest lives.
2020 I feel was THE year for breakups and divorces. If a relationship didn’t have that sturdy foundation, 2020 would be the reason it finally…collapsed.
And then 2021 was the year of getting over your pandemic relationship’s …breakup.
Yep, A LOT of relationships were formed because of 2020 and in 2021 we had to figure out if they were worth staying in.
So now, here we are in 2022.
Maybe you’re reading this during a fresh breakup, or maybe it’s been a few months since the split. Whatever the case, now’s the perfect time to get over your ex and see how much is waiting for you this year.
As a conscious breakup coach, I’m here to help you heal through your heartbreak in a healthy & conscious way, because no one really tells us how to get through a breakup.
I’m here to share tried and true methods to help you not just get over your ex, but actually prep you to eventually manifest conscious love in your next relationship.
Alright, let’s dive in.
Write down all the B-S you never have to deal with anymore. During a breakup, I know we have (long) moments of romance revisionist syndrome where we think our ex is absolutely amazing, and totally The One. But the truth is, there’re a lot of things that weren’t right with you two. Maybe they had the most annoying chewing habits, or never texted you on time. Write a list of ALL the things (nothing is too small or insignificant in this list) that drove you bananas. Watch as you come up with a ton of ridiculous things that you never have to deal with.
Where have you been held back in life? In a lot of cases, we date people and innocently hold ourselves back from taking the “next step” in our lives. Maybe you decided “together” that you would move cities for them, only to realize you know no one post-breakup, and are wondering why you’re still living there. Maybe you delayed school, or didn’t enrol in that class because they were free on that day. Think about the ways you held your life back (in small or big ways) for them, and start thinking about going for that this year. Actually, think about how you can make the first step today.
Discover your relationship needs. Most of us think we date people randomly, but the truth is that we attract people on a really unconscious level. Think about what your needs in a relationship are, and where they were—or weren’t—met in your last relationship. Find clarity in what you need as a person so that you can understand how to attract the right one for you in the future, and also let go of the person who didn’t fulfil your needs the way you deserve. Go through each of these needs in order to see how many you really have. You might even laugh as you discover just how much you were dating “blindly.” (We’ve all been there.)
Put on some feel-good jams to lean into the experience. In order to get over your ex, you’re going to have to lean into your emotions more than you have been; this might mean creating a killer playlist, or simply clicking on this 15-hour list I made here on Spotify. Let yourself feel whatever emotions come up, and let them pass naturally. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we suppress our emotions, so listen to these tunes, and release that old-decade energy. After all, your favourite artists always know exactly what to say.
Jot down your thoughts in a workbook. I created a FREE 18-page self-care workbook for breakups. There’s a 30-day planner and self-care checklist, breakups and to-dos and honestly…you need this in your life. Get it here.
Tune into mindfulness. I’ve literally created an entire breakup-specific meditations channel for those of you who choose to turn to mindfulness AND a 21-day program to help you stay committed to your healing. It’s so important to have a healthy outlet to help support you during the confusing ups and downs that come with every breakup. It can be really frightening for some of us to experience one extreme emotion, followed by another extreme emotion. (One minute you love them, the next you feel like you’ve never been so familiar with hate in your life.) This is of course part of the process, and getting in touch with yourself through mindfulness and meditation will help you respond to emotions and circumstances that come up each day, instead of react. (You know the 2am angry drunk-texting.)
Create new boundaries. Part of letting go of an ex is understanding where your boundaries were crossed in the relationship. Did you give too much? Did your ex not appreciate you the way you’d like? Did you feel like you were led by guilt a lot of the time? It happens, and I’ve experienced all of the above. It’s important that we take the time to reflect on what our boundaries are, and where they were accidentally crossed. Don’t stress—most of us learn about our boundaries once we’ve realized how much we’ve been drained by not having them in place. Did you always say yes whenever your ex asked to hang even when you had other plans in place? Look into that. Did you just give a courtesy invite to your ex because you didn’t want to feel bad for not inviting them? Check in with yourself and see what’s going on there.
Self-care every damn day. Self-care is your new breakup bestie. With all the emotional drainage, and mixed-emotions, you need time to take care of yourself as a new priority. If you’ve just left a relationship where you took better care of them than you did yourself, well—let me introduce you to self-care. Usually, the first thing to go during a hectic time is our own downtime. Self-care can mean taking a delicious bath; guilt-free Netflix bingeing; or simply saying no to a commitment that might drain you. It means putting yourself first every time #sorrynotsorry. PS. I LOVE the Sacred Self-Care Oracle Deck for when you don’t know what self-care activity you want to go, so you have the cards choose for you!
Self-care is not selfish; in fact, when you put yourself first, you actually take care of others—and show up—more fully and lovingly. Make self-care a priority every single day.
Create a breakup mantra. I never used to care about mantras until I realized how powerful they are. If you’re new to the word, it’s a powerful and positive statement that brings out confidence in yourself. It might be, “I am stronger than I know” if you’re feeling weak or down that day. Mantras bring you back to your personal connection with yourself. What particular challenges have you been facing that you could use a good mantra for? Check out these mantras for more Inspo.
Join an online community with others healing through a breakup. There’s something powerful about people getting together for a common goal. That’s why I created the Conscious Breakup Collective free Facebook group to help women heal. Seriously, this is such a supportive group it’s incredible.
Give your apartment a mini face-lift. In 2021, it’s time to give your space a new look; you can either add new zen pieces (succulents or lively plants are great), or simply move your furniture around to change the design. Feel free to buy new bedding, and buy a diffuser to cleanse the energy in your apartment. I’m sure your apartment can feel lonely or depressing after the breakup, so try doing something different to welcome the new decade, and this fresh chapter in your life. Plus, you’ll have a cool background for all those zoom meetings you now have.
Purge the old in your wardrobe. I remember when I ended my relationship in 2016, I felt like I needed to get rid of a lot of stuff that I’d been holding onto. On the flip side, I also felt called to buy new pieces to help welcome the “new me” energy. I really enjoyed the experience of shopping for the new me as it helped become more forward-looking. I started getting excited, and felt the confidence come back. Sometimes when you can’t change the inside right away, you certainly can help make shifts by changing the outside.
Create a vision board. I know it might sound like something just women do, but it’s not at all. Many famous people like Jim Carrey and Steve Harvey totally believe in their power. You can make an old-fashioned board with Bristol board, glue, and magazine clippings, or you can make on on Canva and make it your laptop wallpaper. Let your imagination run wild and see how you start to watch your life unfold this year. Put your personal and professional goals on there, and don’t ever think you can’t get what you want. You’re going through the toughest breakup of your life, so give yourself permission to dream big here.
Get a pet. Did you date someone who didn’t like dogs or cats? Well, now you’re no longer bound to them, so take that next step and buy a cute half-bassethound mix! (Okay, maybe I’m just saying that because that’s what dog I have!) Dogs are so therapeutic, and they really help with the loneliness of a breakup. There’s nothing like the unconditional love of a pet..unless you get a cat. (Giggles.)
Show yourself compassion. You’re going through a huge transition in your life, so be gentle with yourself. Stop trying to have things figured out within a month of the breakup; instead, give yourself permission to feel how you feel, no matter how long it’s been. No two people have the same breakup, so listen to the inner wisdom and not just your best friend’s advice.
Hire a breakup coach. Back to your best friend’s advice—it’s well-intentioned, but most of the time, they’re just there to share their two cents. You might have already picked up on the fact that you are so grateful for your friends support, but also want to get answers to really deep questions about your last relationship. I became a coach when I started to realize just how impactful it can be to explore ourselves during our breakups, like how we attract certain partners into our lives; or why we settle for less than we deserve; or why we give everything to someone and they still want to leave us. These questions cannot be answered with a friend over a 7-minute conversation. (The length of most calls these days.) Book your first session with me today.
Get reading. Whether you prefer audiobooks or reading, get yourself to the nearest book store and pick out eye-opening relationship books. Talk to me about my personal recommendations for you.
Treat yourself to a 30-day challenge. Often times, we can feel really defeated by a breakup, which is why infusing this time to challenge yourself will remind you how strong and powerful you truly are. This might mean a 30-day no-drinking, no-drunk-texting-your-ex, or yoga-every-day challenge. Try out my 30-Day Self-Care Challenge so you’ve got something to look forward to that’s not just relaxing and full of self-care, but actually helps you get OVER your ex. This is a uniquely-designed program to give you what you need for when you’re healing.
Digital detox your way through the breakup. If you’ve been stalking your ex’s instagram feed, or you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of your ex’s second cousin’s daughter who has tagged photos with your ex from 2011, then it might be time to press pause on social media. When I ended my relationship a few years ago, I deleted Facebook and Instagram, and I have to say it was absolutely liberating. Not only did I find that I thought a lot more clearly, I realized how consumed I was in the digital world. Maybe challenge yourself to a 30-day social-media detox and see what happens when you give yourself permission to disconnect.
Download a breakup course. I just created a FREE 5-day breakup mini course for those of you who want daily healing messages of self-love, plus an awesome Breakup Breathwork class + journaling prompts.
Throw away or donate their old stuff. You likely still have things around the house that belong to your ex—and maybe you even have stuff from a previous ex, too! What excuses do you have for keeping them? Maybe you still have their expensive belt, or maybe you love sleeping in their shirt. It might not seem like it, but there’s energy attached to their things, whether or not you want to believe it. If you want to get over your ex, you’re going to have to cut the energetic cord. Buy yourself a new shirt instead. And don’t feel bad if they haven’t come to get their stuff back.
Show gratitude. You cannot be grateful and scared at the same time, so spend as much time as you can remembering things you have to be grateful for. Maybe your mom listened to you break down on the phone today, and you are grateful for her time and love. Maybe you are grateful for the (albeit harsh) lessons you learned from your ex. Maybe you’re grateful you get to finally know you and your ex are not meant to be. Even in the toughest of circumstances, there’s still a way to be grateful. What is it for you? Write a list of 50 things, and continue making recognizing what there is to be grateful for every single day.
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I hope you enjoyed this list of 22 ways to get over your ex in 2022. If you’d like deeper and more personalized support during your breakup, reach out to me and book your first session today!
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!