5 Tips For Anyone Going Through a Holiday Breakup, According to a Breakup Coach
The new year is right around the corner—and it’s a BIG one. It’s the beginning of a new decade, and a completely fresh start, for those of us going through a breakup.
December is full of holidays, and I can already feel the dread radiating from you. I’ve experienced this myself, and it’s tough.
If you’re newly single, why not take advantage of this opportunity to refine what you want out of your life, and develop yourself. The best way to get through a breakup is to learn, grow, and discover things about yourself you didn’t know until now.
We can’t change the past. We can, however, change our futures and get excited about the great things ahead.
Today, I’m sharing just a few ways you can use the new year to heal, grow, set goals, and minimize the noise that comes around during a breakup.
Focus on the lessons you learned in 2019. Whether you just broke up, or broke up in the beginning of the year, take inventory of everything you learned about yourself; love and relationships; and your own needs since your breakup.
When you focus on how far you’ve come, you have a desire to keep going. When you focus on the past (eg. wanting to go back to your ex), you stay feeling stuck and full of regret.
Give yourself a huge pat on the back for everything you’ve been through this year. This year has put you in training for an incredible year ahead; I know it might not feel like that right now, but every year builds on the last.
Integrate compassion and gratitude into your every-day life. Compassion is required when you’re through a breakup; if you want to focus on the exciting year ahead, you’ll need to accept the things that happened; the lessons you learned, and the love you have for yourself.
We are all called to deepen our compassion during a breakup, so if you find that you accidentally call your ex to chat or have a late-night rendez-vous, don’t bang your head against the wall the following day. Take away the lesson you learned, which looks different for everyone.
Take stock of what you’re grateful for this year; even if you’re going through really tough times, there’s always something to be grateful for. Write a list of 20 things you can think of. It can be as small as the kind barista at Starbucks this morning, or it can be a loving phone call you had with your sibling. When you practice gratitude, you experience life in a more fulfilling and joyful way.
Give yourself the gift of time. Most of us just want to be over with the intense emotions we feel during a breakup; but your healing is actually in your ability to let those emotions come up, and let them pass. Don’t avoid them; and don’t punish yourself for feeling them. We are not taught how to actually handle our emotions, and because of that, we often spend a great deal of time trying to push them away and suppress our emotions.
I personally love watching movies that suit the mood I’m in; it helps me let go of those feelings, and even helps me to process on a subconscious level. Let Netflix be your friend when you don’t feel like doing anything outside of your house.
Create and discover your boundaries. Starting a fresh year is all about calling in the new ways we want to live our lives; this means letting go of people and things that don’t contribute to our joy and fulfillment. Give yourself permission to say no to more things. When you create healthy boundaries, you show up fully for the people who matter in your life. All of us need to recharge our proverbial battery, and that means we need to make boundaries, and explore which areas of our lives need them. If you’ve ended a relationship where you gave too much and they just took, took, and took from you—you’ll want to feel into what boundaries were being broken. If you ended a relationship where you stayed for a heck of a lot longer than you wanted, think about why that was, and what boundaries of yours were being crossed.
When it comes to discussing your breakup with people over turkey dinner, be sure to set boundaries before you sit down so you can be prepared if your distant aunt feels like making her comments to you. Everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it. A gentle but firm, “I appreciate your asking, but I don’t want to discuss it right now,” can send a loud and clear message to people. You decide how and when you’re ready to open up about your feelings.
Analyze your social media. Most of my clients admit that they look at their ex’s social media page; this can really keep you feeling regretful and overall—pretty lousy. As part of the new year, consider doing a #DIGITALDETOX by closing your account for 30 days, or consider limiting your overall usage. Out of sight is really out of mind when you choose that powerful decision for yourself. Don’t worry about what your ex thinks about your decisions—it’s your life to live.
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These are just a few ways you can support yourself this holiday season. Remember to be kind to yourself, and give yourself time and space to heal. Everyone works through their breakups differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Each experience is a lesson learned, and an opportunity to build awareness around our needs.
Need additional support during your breakup? Get book a session with me here.