Stop Being In Denial Over This During a Breakup (According to a Breakup Coach)
Today I’m REALLY in need of sharing this article after a handful of coaching sessions I’ve had where my clients are feeling more stuck than ever and I want to ensure if this is happening to you, then you’re in the right place.
But I must warn you, there is some truth serum in here.
And I must warn you, you may not be ready for this.
And no, I’m not going to say that “if they wanted to, they would” kind of thing.
I’m talking deeper.
I’m talking about the stuff that’s going to help you feel lighter, relieved, and actually natural shift to a place of release without the forceful, intellectual version most people you’re talking to are telling you to.
Are you with me?
Here’s the thing. We need help during our breakups. Like a lot. And our friends know we are on a never-ending talk-track.
But we need that because we are processing.
But when we find ourselves on a talk-track, it’s actually an invitation. This is a word I use a lot in my coaching sessions.
All triggers are invitations.
We just don’t want to admit it.
And because we don’t want to admit it, what do we do?
We stew.
We re-explain that our friends just don’t understand.
We tell our breakup coach that this ISN’T one of those times where we need to heal inside of ourselves.
And then the talk-track keeps playing.
Next thing you know…it follows you into your next relationship.
So here’s the deal.
I know you’ve come across this article because you want to heal. You’re tired of replaying the same scenario or thought that is bringing on the deep rage.
I can help you because I know this state of mind too well.
But you’ve got to trust that I can guide you there.
But I need you to admit one thing. Can you do that? Can you allow yourself to see that what you’re most stuck on is that you don’t want to admit you should take a certain level of accountability for how you’re seeing things.
And I know, you’re like “but Nancy, they DID say those things to me” which I believe you. I’m not saying what happened was fictitious and that you just need to gaslight your way to healing.
What I’m saying is that you could invite yourself to see even a sliver of accountability in your healing process, and in so doing this would allow insight to come into your spirit and create a shift.
Just say it out loud “I am willing to see a sliver of where I can take some accountability for how I see things” or whatever sentence you believe you need to say in order to invite the healing.
Here’s the other thing. You’ve got a huge wall of protection up right now. You’ve been betrayed, devastatingly hurt and you are doing everything in your conscious and unconscious power to avoid this. So of course inviting taking accountability IS THE LAST THING you want to do.
I gotchu. I get it.
But this is about your healing. And healing means finding ways to renew your perspective so you’re not carrying all that you are right now.
Especially that rage. I’d say anger but you and I know both know it’s rage because that’s what this level of betrayal has brought up in us. It’s okay. Rage tells us where we have been denying ourselves.
Denying what, exactly?
Denying the fact that you’ve never truly been given the necessary compassion you need to heal.
You’ve been having conversations around your ex, the situation and you’ve only at best been given “good” advice and some level of compassion.
But most of the time it’s others telling you that you’ve been too hard on them, or they’re just bashing your ex, but you’re not really being seen.
So today, I want you to hear it from me that you are seen, by this gal sitting over here writing to you. Hopefully, speaking to your soul right now the words you have needed to hear most.
So here it is.
What you have went through no doubt feels insurmountable. What you were put through by your ex is not only confusing, it’s devastating and painful beyond repair. You did not deserve that. I wish you did not have to go through this. If I could, I would just hold you while you cry and give you all the time you needed to feel like yourself again. I have all the space in the world to hear you out, any time of day. I may not have walked in your shoes specifically, but I see your pain and want to be an active participant in your healing so please know I am there for you. I WILL call and check on you. I won’t let you feel like you’re burdening me with your pain by making you be the first to reach out. I can’t say what your ex is feeling about all this, but I want you to know I am on your support team and I will be by your side through this. I see you. I love you. I’ve got you.
I hope this resonated for you. Please know that right now, more than ever, you need to give yourself more compassion for what you’re going through. You’ve been holding SO MUCH in even if it feels like you’re non-stop talking.
The truth is that there’s deeper layers to all of this, but it can feel like every time you go to talk to someone, they just don’t have all day.
So your job is to give yourself compassion during those moments you don’t have a listening ear.
Things like..
Head to the bookstore and call in a book on relationships that the Universe guides you to
Give yourself an epsom salt bubble bath to release the built-up emotions
Go for a run while you imagine running out the built-up adrenaline in your body as see it as a spiritual release (this is one of my personal favs)
Give yourself a day off and binge a series completely related or unrelated to the season in your life. Allow yourself to become undone or a “hot mess” as they say. Don’t force yourself to have it all together.
So this is my little reminder for you today. I hope you feel even a hint of healing with this.
Remember, the Universe is always supporting you. And so Am I <3
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I hope you’ll take some time tonight to journal after reading this article. Set the mood by lighting candles, grabbing a journal, and doing some deep breathing before. Let the monkey mind relax while you go deeper with yourself.
Feel like you need your whole breakup situation analyzed? Order an in-depth breakup analysis HERE.
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!
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