You’re reading this article as you’re not sure your main needs are being met in your current relationship.

One one hand, you have a lot that you appreciate about your partner, but there are things you can’t ignore. You can’t shake the feeling that something huge is missing—you just don’t know exactly what that is, yet.

As a breakup coach, it might surprise you to hear that most of my clients don’t initially know their relationship needs. They know they’re having issues in their relationships, but they don’t know why.

Why we all tend to have relationship issues comes from not being aware of what our needs are, and even why it’s so important to us in the first place.

So today, I’m going to bring up the top 11 needs that are overlooked according to my clients, which I hope will help you better understand what’s been “missing” in your current relationship, and help you find ways to implement them starting today. It all starts with awareness.

Alright, let’s dive in.

Need to be Challenged . Do you find you’re with a great person, but they just don’t challenge you intellectually? Maybe they agree with you on everything, or don’t have a lot to contribute at a dinner party. Or maybe when you ask them what they want to do today, they don’t really have any suggestions.

You’re not sure why it bothers you so much that they’re so quiet, but you dislike being the person in the relationship who often needs to be instigating conversation.

You might be craving a need to be challenged, and always working towards bettering yourself. You’d love someone who challenged you, even if that meant trying new things, or starting something new.

If you find you’re missing that challenge in your relationship, you can try something new that both of you haven’t done before; or you can communicate with your partner how you’ve recently discovered that being challenged is an important need of yours.

Need for Equality. Do you feel like your partner looks down on you some days? Equality is more than just making the same amount of money, or having the same status in your careers; this is about seeing your partner as an equal and treating them the same as you would yourself.

Need for Empathy. Does your partner respond to you when you bring up tough stuff? Do they respond instead of react? Do they give you emotional space to share? Do they validate your experience, or shut down and walk away?

Need for Joy. Are you dating someone who takes themselves a little too seriously? Do you find that you two have really stimulating conversations, but it’s always just such heavy topics? Do you find that your partner is all work and no play? When was the last time you felt joy with your partner?

Need for Freedom. Do you find your partner needs to be in constant contact with you, while you prefer your space, or vice versa? Do you feel overwhelmed by the thought of going away as you think your partner might react negatively? Do you feel like your partner needs freedom a little too much, and that make you feel unsafe? Do you feel like you need to adjust your behaviour a lot in order to meet their need for freedom?

Need for Purpose. Do you feel like you’re living your life purposefully, but your partner is comfortable in their “bubble.” Maybe you consider yourself highly ambitious, but your current partner has been in the same position for many years, and they just go to work for a paycheck and that’s it. At least, this is what you see.

You want to affect change in the world, and you want to change lives. Meanwhile, you’re finding your desire for this is actually creating a separation between you and your partner. You might desire someone who wants the same things, too.

Need for Emotional Security. You want a commitment, you want a promise, but your partner is very adamant about being “independent,” even though you two have been together for years. Security comes in many forms, and in this case we are talking about emotional security. Do you feel secure in your current relationship? Have you worked on yourself, but still can’t shake the feeling that they’re always going to put their needs first and not consider yours?

Need for Companionship. Do you feel like you’re just in a relationship with your partner, or do they treat you like a true companion? Do they keep you separate from their trips and social gatherings, or are you part of every facet of their life? Do you feel like you’ve got friendship and romantic love?

Need for Belonging. Do you feel like your partner welcomes you into their world entirely, or do you feel like you’re still somehow on the outskirts? Do you feel like you constantly need to prove yourself, and no matter what you do, you still don’t feel like you belong? Is their family accepting of you, or often giving you a hard time about being you?

Need for Spontaneity. Are you dating a “scheduler” who is spiritually-chained to their work, and leaves no room to go out and enjoy a day without feeling guilty? Do you crave a mid-day coffee with your person but they just can’t get away even though you know their job has that flexibility? Do you prefer to leave room to enjoy life, while they always need to be doing something?

Need to be Understood. Most people want to be understood, but do you feel like your partner “gets you” in the way you imagine wanting a partner to get you? Has it been years, but they still have very little clue of who you are?

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Struggling through a breakup? Reach out to me to book a session and let’s get through your breakup together.

Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!

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