Got Ghosted? Here's What it Really Means
Before I met my husband, I used to get ghosted, rejected, and all the other fun things that 21st-century dating brings.
And it’s painful; depending on what your mental state was at the time of getting ghosted, it can be even more devastating.
Some people feel like they “finally found The One” only to get ghosted…again.
Some people finally opened up to someone after a horrifying breakup, only to get ghosted by that certain someone.
Because I’ve worked in the dating and relationship industry for 5 years—both as a breakup coach and former matchmaker, I’ve seen and heard a lot of dating experiences outside of my own. Men and women are both trying to wrap their heads around this passive concept.
Dating has become a lot more fear-based; single people find themselves terrified they’ll be alone forever, and even people in unfulfilled relationships would rather stay as they cannot imagine living the dating stories they hear from their friends.
It’s an epidemic. And we can’t quite figure out why.
Maybe it’s the fact that we are all wrapped-up in our phones.
Or maybe it’s because we have such high expectations for ourselves that when it comes to meeting a partner, they’ve got to meet the insurmountable qualifications.
As humans, we’re all just looking for answers.
Fortunately, we have one today. And it’s a genius one.
This was taken from an Instagram post written just a few days ago by the epic Neil Strauss, NYT best-selling author and transformational journalist:
9,779 Likes, 472 Comments - Neil Strauss (@neil_strauss) on Instagram: "Silence speaks volumes."
Let’s just take that in for a moment.
It’s not about you—you’re not the reason they left. It’s about them.
And maybe you’re even thinking that you “know” this, but don’t “know” it in your heart. I’ve been there.
Here’s how to really understand that in your heart:
Practice self-compassion. I know it’s easy to get down on yourself after multiple attempts of trying to date without success, and that’s exactly why you want to give yourself a little more credit for putting yourself out there. Do you know how many people are secretly terrified of getting rejected that they don’t date at all? You’re not one of those people. You put yourself out there; you take action; and you keep going. You’re magnificent so start owning it!
Trust that you’re being guided on the right path. When someone is choosing to run (doesn’t matter why, it’s not our job to investigate why), you’re being given an opportunity for someone ideal for you to come into your life. So many of us focus on people who aren’t worth our time and energy, and we ignore the intuitive signs we get. Let this be a sign that you’re being guided towards someone worthy of you.
Let go of the attachment to dating outcomes. When I was dating (a lot) before my current partner, I was dating for marriage. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but what ended up happening—time and time again—was that my energy became so intense and overly focused on the outcome, that it ended up repulsing (energetically) the person whom I was dating. I didn’t even have to say anything; it just came through my essence. Energy speaks a lot more than our words and behaviours ever could.
I’m sure you want an organic, mutual, and loving relationship, right? It’s on its way to you—I promise.
But please be patient with the Universe’s plan; compassionate towards yourself; and trust that you’re on the right path.
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If you’re looking for 1:1 private online coaching to help you through your breakup, book a session here.