When You Feel Like You're Not Progressing In Your Breakup
As a breakup coach, I can’t tell you how many of my clients and members of my private Facebook group reach out and worry they’ve “plateaued” or “regressed” as they work through breakups.
“It feels like I’m back at Day One even though it’s been weeks since the breakup.”
“I feel like I was healing all week and now I’m back at square one.”
Oh gosh have I been THERE.
The other week I wrote an entire article on letting go of time, but today I want to share some things around the idea of “progress” that I hope will ease your mind through this utterly confusing time in your life.
Firstly, the idea of progress is an ego-based idea. This pretty much means that your mind is always qualifying your actions. This is also because we live in a driven, always-producing, always-evaluating world.
We do it in our work. (How can I maximize these 16 hours I’m alive today?)
We do it in our breakups. (Am I done healing yet?)
If you feel like you’ve hit a wall with your healing and are afraid you’re teetering back into old emotions, your ego might just be taking hold of the wheel right now.
I used to do the same thing; I used to think that my progress was based on how “good” I felt, and whenever I’d feel “bad” then I was regressing.
Although at first glance this makes perfect sense, what I say to this now is:
No.
Hell-to-the-no.
I’m going to share what I wish I knew a long time ago.
When I feel sad, or hurt, or empty, I’m not supposed to evaluate this—I’m supposed to give myself more compassion and love.
Healing through a breakup is going to take as long as it takes, and it’s your job to love yourself through the emotions that make you feel like you’re back at Day 1.
You can’t “fix” your emotions.
You shouldn't.
You feel HOW you feel. Be loving towards yourself when you’ve been THROUGH it.
I was just talking to a client a few weeks ago who was cheated on, and left for the person they cheated with. This person was married for years and this is how it ended.
They were devastated even 10 months later. Through our conversation I reminded him of how incredible he was doing all things considered. He woke up every day to enjoy work. He surrendered to the healing process. He connected in nature and focused on himself. He hired a coach to support him (me).
But he forgot the gravity of his situation, and I say that because sometimes we can get so down on ourselves for not being “over” someone, and we forget what we’ve actually been through.
I was like that with myself for years. When I was a professional matchmaker, I’d get annoyed at myself (like really annoyed) because I “knew better” about the dating rules and yet couldn't find a husband. I’d keep getting dumped.
I completely disregarded any credit I could give myself through my process.
So today, I just want to remind you of how far YOU’VE come. You’re fighting a battle few people know anything about.
Love yourself today. Be grateful you’re choosing to heal and love yourself through the pain.
You are a deeply beautiful soul.
And you haven’t regressed.
No, quite the opposite.
In fact, when you are having a tough day, and you decide to say, “you know what? It’s okay that today sucks. I’m going to take care of myself through this. I won’t judge my process” then you know you’ve actually progressed.
It’s time to get rid of that societal conditioning that says you need to just “get over it already” and move on.
It’s time to infuse your life with self-love and compassion.
Everyday you choose to wake up and do your best, you’re progressing.
Please enjoy this meditation I made to remind you of how far you’ve come. I have full faith that in this super short meditation, you’ll immediately FEEL that love for yourself, and let go of the idea of “progress.”
Comment in the video and let me know how this serves you today :)
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Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!
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