Want to Get Back Together With Your Ex-Girlfriend? You MUST Read This First
In the last few days, you’ve had a sudden whiff of clarity—she’s the one.
You know it.
You’ve had days—or weeks—to think about the things that went wrong in the relationship, and you’ve realized it boils down to you. You were the one holding the relationship back.
The only problem? You don’t think she will take you back.
After all, the way things ended didn’t go too well.
Alright, as an online breakup coach, you can imagine I have a lot of inquiries about how to get an ex back, and how to prove you’re meant to get back together.
But before we jump into actually taking action—showing up at her door and professing your love—we need to check ourselves.
As a coach, I serve my clients; it’s important to be empathetic and understanding, but I don’t share information that will just be what you want to hear. I know you’ve clicked on this article as you’re just wanting to make sure you’re making the best decision for you. Thank you for this. I’m only going to be talking about things I know you can handle.
In this short time together, I’m going to address a few things you can consider before jumping into getting back together with your ex. You’ve probably considered them briefly, so I’ll go into detail here. Ready?
Are your feelings being painted by your fear of loneliness, or never finding another partner?
Since the breakup, you’ve had several moments of serious loneliness. Your apartment feels empty; you get emotional when you see her toothbrush; and you have intrusive thoughts about never finding someone like her again. This is all perfectly normal, and part of the breakup process. But, the key to going back to your ex isn’t because you’re in fear-mode; you actually want to come from a place of love and peacefulness before making a decision that is going to affect you both. When I say, “fear,” I mean you don’t literally need to feel afraid, but you will notice your energy is guided from a place of being afraid, more than that of love. It’s the same place that has you believing that if you don’t get back together, she’ll be engaged to someone new and you’ll be devastated. It’s the place that tells you you’re destined to be alone forever.
The actual place you want to lead from is a genuine place of love; you want to see your ex is a beautiful light, and have this deep knowing and peace about your life together. Are you sensing that? If not, it’s important to observe that in yourself. What are your thoughts telling you about how you’re thinking of your current situation? Do they sound fear-based, or loving?
Are you just ignoring the challenges of your relationship?
There’s a big difference between accepting the way your partner is, and choosing to become blind in order to stay in the relationship. My clients come to me because they want to desperately stop caring about their exes’ annoying tendencies, but can’t seem to shake it. Wanting to get back together—and convincing yourself that you’ll just stop caring—is not the best course of action for you. I’m a big believer in following our hearts when it comes to what we want, and letting the Universe run its course, but you’re reading this article because you want an honest look at your thinking. I’m trying to give that to you; I have clients who report going back to their exes and it’s magical—for 3 days. And then things revert; then they feel like absolute sillyheads (good word, right?) for professing their love to their ex, only to discover their exes don’t change (and neither do their quirks). The feeling of being trapped starts to set in. How does this sound to you?
Are you really being honest with yourself?
Out of all 4 things to consider in this article, this has to be the toughest one. You know why you two broke up—you just want to ignore the reasons for now, and let the good feels creep in. I get it—trust me. But you don’t have to get back together in order to feel the love you and your ex had. You can just let the good vibes of the love be enough, and send your ex love and light for doing the best they could. Be brutally honest with yourself, or at least give yourself more time to let his energy pass. Sometimes the energy of our emotions is so high, that we just act on it, without looking at how that might be playing into how we think about things. Does this resonate with you?
Is the bargaining stage of the breakup getting the best of you?
I always tell my clients that if they think they’re 100% responsible for the breakup, then they should not yet go back to their ex. (Bet you didn’t see that one coming!) I say this because there are two people in the relationship, and you’re both reacting to events that happened in the relationship. Sure, maybe you pushed her away because you chose your job over movie night often, but going back and suddenly deciding you’re going to fully step back from work and focus on her might be a little erratic. Think about the events that led to the breakup from both your sides. The bargaining stage can colour our thinking to mean that we are the ones at “fault” for the breakup. This stage has you believing that you have the power to change the entire dynamic of the relationship, and that sounds a little more like god’s work than yours. She was also equally involved, and it’s important to really understand that.
Everyone going through a tough breakup has had thoughts and desires of getting back with their ex. Just because you have thoughts, doesn’t mean you need to act on them—it means you need to be observant of these thoughts and choose the best course of action for you. Without observation, we make quick decisions that have us second-guessing ourselves altogether.
I help my clients better understand their thinking and emotions during a breakup. Reach out to me if you’re wanting coaching around your breakup.
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!