Ladies: 8 Signs Your Relationship Might be Headed Towards a Breakup
A woman's intuition is usually right.
You've probably been feeling that "off" feeling for a while, but can't seem to put your finger on the exact issue. I’ve certainly been there, and now as a breakup coach I guide men and women towards uncovering what this feeling is all about, and also why we don’t catch it earlier on. The dreaded “red flags” has us stirring during the night.
But back to that feeling; you're questioning whether or not your gut is totally off base, or if there's actually something wrong.
Maybe your friends also think that you need to stop thinking about it so much, or give him more time, or wait for him to make a move. They don't want you to do anything drastic.
But you can't help yourself.
You know your intuition is your guiding compass.
You've started to observe subtle changes in his behaviour, but not enough to make you feel like you need to end things. You just want to know — has he been thinking about breaking up with me?
Here are 8 subtle signs that your guy might be thinking of ending things with you, and hasn't yet.
He stopped making weekend plans
One of the best part of being in a relationship is the fact that you've usually got weekend plans together, and make an effort to set them days before Friday even arrives. When a guy is thinking about breaking up with you, he might not schedule anything with you, or claim that he wasn't made plans with "anyone" this weekend either. Regardless, a partner who is committed to the relationship will—at the very least—communicate with you and let you know the next time you'll be seeing each other.
He texts back with "sorry, I had a long day."
If you've been noticing a pattern of texts that are totally delayed and usually start with, "sorry, I just had a long day and haven't had a chance to look at my phone," then your partner might be putting you as a secondary thought or priority. Of course, if this is a one-off situation, then it likely doesn't mean that he wants to end things. However, if you've consistently been feeling like he's avoiding texting you, he might actually be distancing himself. You might even find yourself checking your phone multiple times in the same 10 minutes, even thought the ringer is on. He's got you feeling confused at the fact he's abruptly stopped the conversation.
He's "too tired" to come over tonight
Has your partner been feeling consistently tired these days to the point that he cancels plans or doesn't come over? He might be say things like he's too tired, just wants to watch the game, or just wants to hang out alone tonight. He might very well be stressed and tired, but if he's not communicating what's going on with him then it might be because he's subtly pulling away from the relationship.
You don't feel appreciated
You're committed to the relationship and are doing kind things for him, like inviting him over for dinner; when he does come over, it feels like you're just eating together, and you get the sense that he's not appreciating the stuff you do for him. He's lost the enthusiasm for spending quality time together, for your efforts in the relationship, and might even be saying a lot less than he used to. Overall, you don't feel appreciated.
He's stopped complimenting you
When you two first started dating, he was very open about dishing out compliments; he would say he liked your outfit, that you've got a great attitude, and that you're very giving. Now, it feels like he's taking that for granted and has stopped giving you compliments altogether. You might even ask him, "do I look nice today?" and he follows up with, "you always look the same. Why do I have to keep telling you that?" He has put himself in a defensive state and you end up feeling bad for even asking.
You're feeling insecure in the relationship
Have you noticed yourself feeling unsettled after he leaves your place, or when you leave his? Almost like your intuition is telling you that you don't feel secure in the relationship like you used to? Even if you spend the weekend together, you find yourself going home on Sunday night feeling like that might be the last weekend you have. If so, he might be subconsciously pulling away and you can sense that on a deep level. Reading Attached might be a great book for you if you've been noticing that you feel insecure even when you have plans together.
You feel like he's dismissing you
Have you suggested to go places for dinner, or do activities together, and he's just completely dismissed your suggestions? Before, he used to be gung-ho about anything you two did together, and now he's acting disinterested in your suggestions altogether. It seems like he gets overwhelmed and decides it's better to just stay home.
He just wants to stay home when he's with you
A sign of a healthy relationship is when a couple makes time to go out and enjoy themselves—even just once a week. When your partner is only making (last-minute) plans to hang out at home, this might be a sign that he's not as committed to the relationship these days.
What can you do if you think your boyfriend is pulling away?
Before you decide to take a break or end things with your guy, it's important to find out if you've had an open conversation about your thoughts and feelings.
You can't control how you feel, and a responsive partner will listen to your concerns and work through them with you.
Of course, I know it can be scary to think, "I'm worried he's going to think I'm needy" and the truth is — we all get insecure, and it's not healthy to suppress how we feel in fear our partners will look at us differently.
Many of us have had partners who have been dismissive with our emotions and labelled them as "needy," but—again—the RIGHT partner for you will be open to hearing your candid thoughts and emotions.
Other tips for having the conversation
Be sure to schedule time to chat and bring up how you're feeling at a time when you've got time to talk, and are not feeling rushed.
Be mindful of how you use your words; try to be open when you speak and not defensive. For example, saying, "I always get the feeling like you never want to hangout anymore," might trigger your partner to perk up and start to defend himself. Instead, opt for this, "I noticed we haven't been spending weekends together lately, is everything alright?" This way, you're inviting your partner to speak their mind without creating a hostile conversation.
As the experts always say — communication is key. So be open, inviting, and understanding.
If you've been feeling like you need someone to talk to about your relationship—outside of friends and family—I'm here for you. For private 1:1 online breakup coaching, visit me here.
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!