Nancy Ruth Deen | Breakup Coach For Anxiously Attached Women

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Is It Normal to Miss Your Ex When You Don't Want to Be With Them Anymore?

Today I’m answering another question I got asked in my conscious breakup collective women’s FB group (and if you’re not a part of it what isss you doin?!?!?) about missing an ex but not wanting to be with them anymore, and feeling confused by that.

This reminded me of the time I broke up with an ex because I lost that feeling of being “in love” with him. But I still experienced the full grieving process.

(And tried to make it work with him again because I didn’t realize I was grieving and believed all the things my mind was telling me…and YIKES let that be a lesson for us all not to believe what our grieving feelings tell us.)

But back to missing your ex when you don’t want to be with them anymore.

The short answer to that is…of course it’s normal!

The reality is that when we’ve been together with someone for months, years, or a lifetime.—you’re going to often be reminded of them…like a lot.

We normally don’t think of relationships like this, but they really are habits.

We have expectations of when we’ll see them, or that we’ll receive that “good morning” and “goodnight” text from them.

We’ve built friendships and memories together.

We made plans.

You both have lots in common and have talked about A LOT.

Of course you will miss that, if not them.

And knowing you, you probably picked someone you did love, but it just didn’t work out for various reasons you’re currently working on figuring out.

And there we’re good things about them that you cherished.

They were not all “bad” as you keep saying to your friends.

This was a person who played a significant role in your life regardless of anything else.

And even though you’ve decided powerfully that you wouldn’t continue dating them, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to suddenly be over the good parts of the relationship.

That’s the thing with the mind. Just because we’ve made a decision in our brains, doesn’t mean we’ve allowed it to sink into the heart.

We have things we still need to work through and resolve.

And that’s okay. It’ll take time.

Be gentle with yourself.

It’s going to take as long as it’ll take.

As someone who’s been through a lot of breakups and heartbreak, I can tell you that sometimes getting over the person isn’t the hard part.

It’s getting over our vision of who we thought they were, their potential and the memories we created along with the hopes we had for our future together.

Sometimes we think we miss them, but what we really miss is also the void they filled.

The weekends spent together. Having someone to talk to about the frustrations of life.

Knowing you’d be coming home to them even though they drove you crazy.

So maybe today is just one of those days you’re missing their good side. And the good side of the relationship you built together.

Be gentle with yourself. This is all part of the process.

xo

Nancy

What’s next?

If you’re feeling called and need to talk through your relationship, Book a self-love session today.

Thank you so much for making time to care for yourself today. Let this article sink in and feel free to return to it whenever you need it. And join the conscious breakup collective if you haven’t already where I give conscious breakup advice & go live!

Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!

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