Okay, so you broke no contact even though you felt like you had gone the longest you ever have without talking to your ex.

Or maybe you broke it and now feel ashamed or embarrassed because you swore you’d never be the first to reach out again.

And now you feel like you’ve taken a step back and have to get your life together again because you feel like you have “no self control.”

I know, I promise I’m not in your head, but I’ve definitely been there...

I might be a conscious breakup coach now, but my goodness I have been right there.

Playing the mental game with myself of, “if I go no contact I’ll show him!” only to have a moment of “weakness” and text him...only for my text to be rejected or worse—no reply at all.

And now maybe you feel your ex has the “upper hand” in the breakup.

READ: Regret Texting Your Ex Post-Breakup? Here's Exactly What You Do, According to a Breakup Coach

Going “No Contact” can feel like a game that makes you believe that if you don’t reach out, that you’re somehow so much more in control of your current situation.

And don’t get me wrong, there is something incredibly empowering about deciding that you don’t need to rely on your ex to feel good, or at least feel less lonely.

(Cause let’s be honest for a sec; our exes are good people, but if we were getting everything we deserved in a relationship with them, we wouldn’t be broken up, right?)

But here’s the thing: I despise the thought that you’re there right now, trying to “get your power back” after texting, like what you did was somehow unrecoverable and you’re in serious need of “damage control.”

I can tell you that it definitely can feel that way, but I need you to have a little more self-compassion right now.

You’re going through a BREAKUP.

You’re in the phase of detaching and learning how to be on your own.

You’re feeling things you’ve never felt before.

You’re working on dealing with the loneliness.

You’re working through the anger and betrayal.

You’re working on trying to find some clarity in all of this.

Right now is not the time to try to “take back” your last text to them, or try to say something clever after 24 hours of no reply after being all “hehe, woops, that was my friend.”

No.

It’s time for self-compassion.

The first step towards self-compassion is accepting that what you didn’t isn’t bad at all.

It’s just…what happened.

Neutral.

I went to get groceries. I cleaned my house. I texted my ex.”

See, just neutral.

All you did was just text your ex.

So what?

If you could just cut your ex off immediately without blinking an eyelash, that might make you stone cold and unhuman.

So good news! You’re perfectly human, working through a tough breakup.

But you also might be thinking, “ugh, my ex is SUCH a prick though, and they weren’t good to me at all and I GUARANTEE you, Nancy, that they’re laughing about this to their friends.”

Well, if that’s the case, I’m glad you two aren’t together anymore because chances are, someone like that is just a miserable person. In that sense, they can do whatever they want behind my back.

But more chances than not, you probably had an ex who is a good person, but maybe a little misguided or unable to communicate their feelings or use avoidance as a way to cope.

The solution here (for my analytical friends reading this) is to just respect your own process.

Use this experience to get yourself right back on the horse and rid yourself of those labels you’re throwing at yourself.

You didn’t “regress.”

You don’t have to “start over.”

You just get right back on that horse and keep going.

Life is a journey. (Ah, yes, don’t we all love that expression.)

Your breakup is here to teach you lessons of your own strength, resilience and compassion for yourself.

Let this be a lesson that helps you grow—not defeat you.

In 2 days you’ll be over this if right now, you can give yourself a “pass” for texting your ex.

Doesn’t matter why you texted.

Doesn’t matter what you texted.

(Don’t even get me started on some of the things I’ve texted my exes about in the past.)

Give yourself a pass today, okay?

You deserve it.

It’s all part of the process.

Much love,

Nancy

If you are looking to dive deeper during your breakup, be sure to book a session with me here or check out my 30-Day Self-Care Challenge which is the perfect complement to your 30-day no contact period.