Are You Two Headed Towards the Altar? Here’s How to Tell (According to a Relationship Expert)
So I might be a conscious breakup coach, but funny enough, I have a special intuitive skill which is being able to tell if a couple is going to be headed towards marriage or not.
Ask my friends, and they’ll tell you. I don’t know if it’s my former professional matchmaking experience, many years in the relationship business or the fact that I’ve been down the aisle myself—but it seems I have some experience in this department.
(Someday I might have to tell you about the time I planned my wedding exactly 36 hours before I said “I Do!”)
So today, I thought I’d share a kind of “fun” article to help you tune in to see if YOUR PERSON is actually someone worth walking down the aisle with you.
Believe me when I tell you that I’m not one to give up the fantasy of the traditional life of marriage. I wanted that, and now live it and I want you to keep that alive, too.
But knowing you, you’re not looking to settle to achieve that life.
You want a life partner worthy of all of you.
So let’s go through my small but MIGHTY checklist that will provide a HIGH LIKELIHOOD that your relationship is 99.99% marriage worthy and more likely than not—headed towards a happily ever after.
Oh and PS—before we dive in—check out my manifest your dream partner 10-day course in case you’re reading this while single and wanting to call in your soulmate.
Let’s dive in!
1.They know and respect your trauma & journey towards healing
A marriage-worthy partner is not just someone you feel comfortable sharing your Big T or Little T traumas with, but someone who actually takes in what you’ve shared with them and supports you through that, whatever that might mean in the context of your relationship.
Perhaps that’s honoring your boundaries, or giving you their full attention to share when you get triggered.
They hear what you say, though they might not always understand from experience, and they move through your relationship knowing that healing is a priority to them, continuing to learn with and through you about how to be a partner to a partner who’s got a few scars in her life.
You will know exactly what I mean when I say this if this is happening in your relationship. You might also be astutely aware that this might not be happening, depending on the kind of relationship you have.
Allow yourself to process what you need to as you keep reading.
2.When it comes to building a future together, your excitement is replaced with groundedness
A distinct quality I’ve seen in the relationships that have ended in proposals and marriage are the ones where the future is so obvious and certain—like it’s being built in the present—that you’re no longer high off the excitement.
It feels completely natural and neutral.
It’s not “OH EM GEE he’s talking about inviting me to his cousin’s wedding in 8 months! How EXCITING.”
Instead, it registers as a very natural, regular thought. Like, “cool—sounds good!”
And then you move on to the next thought.
But let me be clear—this is not to say you shouldn’t get excited and zap the thirst for life out of your relationship, but when something is truly natural and “certain,” your anxious attachment style doesn’t flare up, as I call it.
One thing I’ve learned is that often (not all the time and I know you’ll want to come for me on this one) is that excitement is a response to the fantasies you’re building in your head while running away with your partner’s words—and not the actual present moment and truth of the situation.
Read that again.
Excitement is a response to the fantasies you’re building in your head while running away with your partner’s words—and not the actual present moment and truth of the situation.
Like I said, don’t come for me as I’m just sharing my experience and my perspective.
Just think about the times you’ve gotten excited about what a partner has said, and it never transpired, or transpired but wasn’t what you built up in your head.
You’ll know you’re in the right relationship when you’re actually living in the love life you once would be over-the-moon excited about, but now it just feels totally normal.
You feel grounded and safe in the relationship that your attachment style doesn’t act up because it knows it IS happening.
3. Their actions and words are aligned
In my experience working one-on-one with my breakup coaching clients , one of the fundamental things that gets revealed in the quest to understanding “what happened” (as in what led to the downfall in the relationship) is that a lot of what was happening was “all talk” and not a lot to back it up.
They said they wanted to take you ring shopping, but never found time to do it. They said they wanted to build a life together, but push away conversations of moving in together. Or you moved in together but they never seem to want to make move towards proposal even though they keep dangling the carrot, so to speak.
Does your current partner follow through on what they say they will? Are they often telling you how things are in the relationship instead of showing you?
Something I’ll always remember seeing off an inspirational quote said something like “if you want to see if someone is in integrity, imagine muting them and seeing how their actions speak.”
A relationship that has the foundation to go the distance is one where actions follow words, and that your partner knows that their integrity is embedded within that.
4. It’s incredibly clear that your relationship is the priority
A partner worthy of marriage with you knows that your relationship is #1. That means that while they might be hustling at work and doing the grind, they know they’re doing it for you and your future together.
It doesn’t feel like they’re putting more effort into work and slacking at home, but instead, doing what they got to do at work and making sure that you know your relationship is above everything.
Because if you can’t see this before the proposal and marriage, then you certainly will not see it during.
One thing I find very common amongst women I speak with who’re both my friends and clients talk about wanting hard-working partners, but not to the point that it affects the relationship.
It is possible to have two people who are career-focused but can still come together and remember why they’re doing all this work.
Don’t get yourself in this carrot-dangling situation where you’re in a relationship with someone who constantly references “when work slows down then..” because sweetie, that aint never gonna happen.
Work doesn’t slow—it’s up to you and your partner to manage your life beyond work.
Is it easy? No.
But those things need to be in place before the big question comes up.
5. You don’t feel the need to “change” them
This is 100% my #1 indicator your relationship is marriage material and I’m saving it for last.
My sweet, sweet friend, I want you to hear this.
When you find someone you don’t feel the need to constantly communicate your desires for them to “improve”—you’re most likely headed towards a promising place.
Many of my friends who’re in the personal development community think they can just constantly help their partner “strive for greatness” but I will tell you that that is a low-key sign that you yourself don’t accept your partner for who they are and you, yourself, might not even see it.
You are astutely aware that their desires for change come from them first, and they might solicit you for support, guidance or accountability.
But you don’t regularly bring up where they need to improve. Or where they’re not showing up for you.
You do the work on yourself, and feel so aligned in that. Which translates to you accepting them more as you accept yourself. And that translates, naturally—without your guidance—to them wanting to better themselves.
You do not do the changing.
I will one day write an article that highlights this because I could seriously make a 10K-word essay on this exact topic.
So many of my friends who are coaches think they can just talk their way into their partners meeting their needs (I call this the coach’s conundrum), and they don’t even realize that their desire to “help” their partners change is coming from a place of non-acceptance.
When you stop trying to change them, and begin to appreciate their entirety—without a doubt—you will be headed to that altar.
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Thank you for making it to the end of this article! You’re either feeling so in alignment with the person you’re with, or feeling like you're at a crossroads. My hope is that my words have created a positive shift within you. Take what resonates and please—leave the rest. This is just my experience and perspective but you know what is best for you.
If you need any guidance or support in your relationship, book me for a 75-minute deep dive session HERE.
xo
Nancy
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Thank you so much for making time to care for yourself today. Let this article sink in and feel free to return to it whenever you need it. And join the conscious breakup collective if you haven’t already where I give conscious breakup advice & go live!
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!