How to Let Go of Time When You’re Healing From a Breakup
Chances are you’re trying to make sense of either all the time you lost dating your ex, or how long it’ll take to get over them.
Dating gurus tell you you need to be broken up for X amount of time before you can start dating again.
Therapists and coaches tells you it takes X amount of time to get over someone.
I’ve seen articles that say anywhere from 6 weeks to several years. (I know, not so helpful.)
For me, when I was going through my breakup back in 2016, just thinking about how long it’ll take to heal and to stop feeling sick at the thought of dating again was enough to make me spiral and think, “omg I’m never going to get over this!”
But it was through my breakup journey that I discovered I needed to let go of this idea of “time” and measuring my “progress” to it (actually, against it).
Time is really a strange construct.
We evaluate life by how fast or slow something happens.
Isn’t it interesting that when you’re having a blast and totally in flow, that you’re not paying any attention to time?
But when you’re feeling stuck, scared, or lonely, all you can think about is “how long is it going to take me to get to [get over them, stop hurting, etc]?”
I know how crappy it feels to hang onto time like it’s a magical solution to getting over your ex.
So, I’m going to try and share my experience with you on how to let go of time during your breakup. This is just my personal experience so take what resonates and leave the rest!
In my Universe, everything has a time and place and it is divinely orchestrated. You might want to get over your ex and jump to your next relationship so this can all be over, but we all have parts of us that need healing in order to be ready to meet our next partner. (Or to get back with our ex and be more conscious or intentional in the relationship.)
The healing we go through during a breakup has it’s own agenda, but it is also connected to the timing of when we meet our next partner.
And, our next partner needs to be ready for US. Which means they’re over there (whoever and wherever they are) and doing similar work. They might not be ready for a relationship, or ready for all the wonders you’re about to bring into their lives.
I talk about this a lot with my fiancé, about how we both met at the right time for each of us. For me, I had finally learned to LOVE spending time with myself and going back to school for psychology. I really wanted to heal the parts of me that were codependent before I met my future husband. And when the time was right, during my healing, I met him one night.
As for him, he wanted to have his own apartment and actually declare his readiness for the love of his life to come into fruition. This took place just a couple of months before meeting each other.
So, maybe you’re not ready to meet Mr or Mrs THE ONE, but what I’m trying to say is that you’ll meet that new person along your healing journey. You don’t actually “get over” your ex and THEN meet that new partner.
You just work through your healing, one day at a time, and during that process, the Universe plants them on your path.
As much as we want to rush timing and just stop feeling so crappy, you’re on the right path, and your only job is to be compassionate towards yourself and take each day (or each hour) as it comes.
The path is unfolding for you, and everything you’re doing today is making a positive effect on your future, whether that’s with someone new or your ex.
Embrace this new chapter of your life and appreciate YOU for the healing you’re choosing to do. I’m rooting for you over here.
Here’s a meditation to help you lean into this chapter and let go of timing. Leave that all up to the Universe. She’s got a plan for you in store so beyond your wildest dreams. I promise.
Want to get connected with other people going through a breakup? Then join the Conscious Breakup Collective on Facebook.
Book your first breakup coaching session with me here.
Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!
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