You’ve been going through a breakup for a while, and you’re feeling stuck, stressed, and lost.

You’re having moments of total clarity, followed my days of anxiety and over-thinking.

I know the feeling, and so do my clients; as a breakup coach, part of going through a breakup is allowing ourselves to feel whatever comes up—even if it’s uncomfortable.

If you’re feeling sad, don’t try and stop yourself by telling yourself you “shouldn’t” be sad. Let yourself feel that emotion, because if you do..the emotion will flow through and out of you.

Our emotions don’t leave us because we innocently feed them; we feed them by thinking we need to “fix” our emotions. The more time we spend trying to avoid or get out of feeling that way, the more the emotion stays with us.

I’m sure you know exactly what I’m saying here. We’ve all been through it.

You’re probably thinking, “if I could let my emotions go, I would. So how do I do this?”

Here’s what you need to know about your emotions in order for you to deal with the ebb and flow of your feelings on a daily basis. This isn’t your average advice, and works in a hugely profound way if you apply what I’m sharing. Most significant change isn’t about taking huge leaps, but instead, it’s about to break old thought patterns and creating now habits that serve you.

Yes, how we look at our emotions is a habit—and we don’t even realize it! Interesting, right?

Seeing how we deal with our emotions as a habit is an eye-opener for many of clients.

Ready to give it a good shot?

STEP 1: IT’S OKAY TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE

The first step is allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable as you observe the emotion you’re feeling.

You’re not the emotion. It’s not you. It’s just energy passing by.

The scary thoughts you’re feeling during the emotion isn’t real, although it might be based on the past, or accentuated by a future dooms-day story.

But it’s not real.

Your emotions might say, “I’ll be alone forever,” or, “I’ll never find someone like them again!”

The habit here is thinking your thoughts are real even if you don’t have any proof. Even if you have past “proof,” there’s nothing telling you today will be the same.

Embrace your emotions because that’s where true healing begins. Allow your feelings to paint whatever future experience it wants, because you know it’s not real now. It’s just the ego trying to protect you from hurt and pain, but it’s not even doing its job the way it did when it kept us safe from being killed as a caveman. It’s old hardwiring that comes through when our minds. I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about how our ego is actually a survival mechanism, but when it comes to fear-based thinking, it’s painting some interesting stories that feel so real in the moment.

The more you’re aware of this as its happening, the more you can see the calm energy behind the fear-based thinking and emotions that is actually you. Yes, you are calm.

Your emotions are like the waves of the ocean; you can see them strong and full of force.

But deep down in the ocean, the water is still. Very, very still. That stillness is you.

STEP 2: THE BIGGER PICTURE

Now that you know your emotions and thinking are just energy, and that you’re really the person behind the emotions who’s actually cool as a cucumber, we can move onto step 2.

When you start to create a habit of witnessing your emotions, instead of trying to “do” something about them, you notice some incredible things about yourself.

You start to hear a really wise voice behind it all. It’s either your highest-self, or it’s the greater intelligence, God, Universe, Source Energy, being able to communicate with you.

Now, if you’re not totally spiritual like me, you can still find value here. I’m sure you know the saying, “don’t make decisions in the heat of the moment,” well whoever said that is totally wise about that.

When we are sad, angry, resistant, annoyed, or any other uncomfortable emotion, we often make decisions to get ourselves out of it.

We don’t embrace it (see step 1). Instead, we get so caught up in believing the thoughts are real that we don’t tune into the guidance available to us.

Get out of the habit of believing your emotions, and into the habit of tuning into the greater intelligence available to us

The wisdom or guidance that whispers calmly, “don’t send that text,” as you feel your lowest at 2am wanting to just cuddle with your ex.

Or the one that says, “you shouldn’t have to convince them to love you,” as you find yourself writing a very emotional letter after they’ve left you without any trace of them.

There’s a greater intelligence out there, whatever we want to call it. It has our best interest in mind, and has only total love for us. It could sound like your own voice, but it’s wise as heck, and worth listening to.

When we are feeding our thinking (by trying to fix it), we cannot hear the voice of wisdom available to us at all. If we can, it’s coming from our friends who try to convince not to do the thing we are trying to do. But we don’t listen to our friends, do we? So instead, try this.

When you’re aware of your “negative” emotions and thinking and you don’t know what to do in the heat of the moment, ask the Universe (or your highest self), “what are you trying to tell me?”

What are you trying to tell me.

What is this for?

By connecting with a deeper part of you and your purpose, you will naturally let your most intense emotions go.

You’ll let them dissolve naturally. You won’t try and fix them. You don’t need to fix energy, right? You just need to let it pass.

STEP 3: STOP TRYING TO PLAY MIND READER

During a breakup, there’s a huge desire to try and think of what your partner might be thinking so you can take the appropriate action based on their thoughts. That was a mouthful.

Maybe they stopped texting you, and you think it’s because they’re trying to bother you.

Or maybe you think they’re playing a mind game with you, so you’re trying to figure out the best way to play back.

But it’s a vicious cycle that only ends up feeding our negative thinking (see step 2 again). Part of tapping into the deeper truths during a breakup is letting go of the attachment we have to what we think our ex is thinking.

Instead, connect to your loving side, which makes decisions unconditionally. Part of ending a relationship is feeling like we need to abide by weird conditions and “rules” now. This is your ego talking, and I’ve been here. This doesn’t have to be the case for you, because you can operate from a heathy, loving space regardless of your ex’s actions.

QUICK CHECK IN: In step 1 we talked about welcoming our emotions and seeing ourselves behind them, and step 2 we discussed seeing the wisdom in our emotions. Step 3 is about letting go of trying to act in accordance with our ex’s feelings and emotions, and operating in a healthy and loving space for us.

Okay, so how do we operate from a loving space? Let’s say your ex texted you, and you’re not sure how to respond. On one hand, you don’t want them to have the “power” (this is the ego talking again) if you say how you really feel. On the other hand, you just wish you could figure out the real reason they’re even texting you. In this case you want to respond like you would as your most positive self. You want to be yourself.

How would your loving self respond?

When you respond in a way that is operating from your loving part of you, you send out good vibes. You don’t need to intentionally do this, but just know that when you respond from a place of love instead of fear, people pick up those vibes on a deep level. Once you do this enough, and let go of the need to know what they’re thinking first, you see so much strength in yourself.

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Watch yourself as you develop simple, new habits to approaching your emotions. Just because they’re simple, doesn’t mean they’re easy.

Alright, so these are my 3 steps to processing your emotions in a healthy, conscious way. You’re ready to let go of old habits around your emotions, and ready to replace them with more authentic, loving habits.

Just by reading this, you’re becoming more and more aware of what you need as you work through your breakup. Keep in mind that what you’re going through has no real roadmap, and you’re doing what you know to be the best thing for yourself in the moment. Appreciate that, and give yourself a ton of compassion.

If you need any additional support, I go deep with my clients to help them process their breakups in a healthy, conscious way. Schedule a session here. 

Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!

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