Let’s be real—getting to the acceptance stage of the breakup can feel like an impossible task right now.

After all, you’re probably still thinking of your ex regularly, or exhausted that you’re still not over them.

Maybe you’re trying to do all the things, like self-care or spend time with friends, try dating again, or talk to people…

But, nothing’s quite working.

Believe you me—I know what that’s like. Almost a year and a half into my breakup (before meeting my fiance) I was still so shocked I hadn’t gotten over him.

So today, as a conscious breakup coach and person who’s been where you are, I’m here to share something I really want you to let sink in.

It might trigger you at first, just warning you.

You might get annoyed at me.

You might close your laptop or exit this screen on your phone…

But you’re here for a reason, and you’re likely ready to begin the healing process—for good this time.

(You can also download my Free Breakup Recovery Meditation to Begin the Healing Process)

I know you’re ready to hear this message because you’re tired of suffering.

So here it is.

You’re broken up because you’re supposed to be broken up.

Things aren’t “supposed” to be different than they are, because they’re not.

You’re like, “Uh, Nancy, screw you! We are supposed to be together. We were so good. If I they/I hadn’t just—”

Let me stop you right there.

That is the cause of your suffering.

Your thinking things are supposed to be different than they are.

But if they were supposed to be different than they are, they WOULD be. That’s how this works.

It’s in the acceptance of how things are, right now, in this moment, that actually create closure for you to move forward.

Let me give you an example; when you say, “it’s not supposed to be like this. We had all these plans together,” what does your mind do?

It creates anxiety, worry, and you ruminate all day and night.

You look for solutions to a problem that your mind has decided is a problem.

Even though the person (your ex) isn’t exactly professing their love to you right now, or even replying fully to your messages.

But, if you were to say, “we’re broken up because we’re supposed to be broken up,” then what would your mind say after?

I’m not inside of your mind but I venture to guess it would say something like:

“that’s true. They didn’t exactly [insert where things were a recurring issue within the relationship.]”

You’d might even feel a little relieved, like a weight has been lifted, and understand that things are currently working themselves out and this is part of the process.

And that this breakup was supposed to happen because it’s happening.

There is no suffering where there is acceptance. There is only love.

It is only when you think things should be different that there is suffering.

Let me repeat that in case you didn’t read that fully:

It is only when you think things should be different that there is suffering.

So, today I invite you to accept that things are happening during your breakup because they should.

Accept how things are now, so you can invite new and better things to unfold without resistance.

When we get stuck in how things “should” be, we miss the gifts, the invitations, the moments that are creating a beautiful day and future to unfold.

What happened when i decided to stop my suffering

I remember years ago, my friend invited me to an “anti valentines day” party hosted by one of his friends whom I didn’t know, and I was feeling so down I decided not to go. After all, I didn’t think I was good company at the time.

But then something inside of me—last minute—accepted the invitation because I knew I didn’t deserve to stay in this suffering. I ended up having an amazing time, and that was the night I distinctly remember getting over my ex.

I wouldn’t have gone to this party if we hadn’t broken up. That was the Truth. My friend had only invited me because he knew I was feeling down.

And not only did I meet new friends, but these friends became my best friends for years before I moved to the West Coast.

That breakup gave me new friends, new opportunities and new experiences I still cherish to this day.

The bottom line about acceptance

I’m not saying you should be in full acceptance if you’re on Day 3 of your breakup, but I am saying the sooner you can get on board with the fact that you’re broken up because you’re supposed to be—because this is all part of the beautiful mystery of life—you will suffer less.

Because you will stop the resistance.

You will let go of your attachment to the past.

You will begin to see the present moment unfolding perfectly.

You might even smile at all the beautiful moments this relationship gave you.

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I hope this message reached in a way that helps you feel lighter. You are always guided on this path even when it feels confusing.

If you feel called to go on a deeper journey of acceptance, check out my transformative program Breathe Through Your Breakup: A 21-Day Meditation Journey to Heal Yourself.

Or book your first session with me here.