How to Move On Without Closure From Your Ex
Closure: It’s the thing we hold onto thinking it’s what’ll make us get over our ex. Only when we receive it, can we then begin to move on.
I’ve written previous articles about this and ultimately I believe closure is something you make, not something you get.
How you create closure is up to you depending on your journey and what you need to heal.
In many cases, you might not have the opportunity to get it from your ex, like if they left you for someone else, relocated, or blocked you. If these describe your situation then I am truly sorry you’re going through that.
In a perfect world we’d all have closure conversations, but sometimes the shame and pain of putting people through that conversation is enough to avoid it at all costs. This is what happened in a previous relationship I had. It took time to realize that conversation didn’t happen because of the guilt, shame, and feelings of failure that arose at the thought of having it. So, we both skirted around it.
I love reframing the idea around closure because it puts you in the driver’s seat. You don’t have to wait anymore. You can choose this for yourself today. You GET to create it.
When my clients talk to me about what they want closure on, it usually sounds like this:
“Why did they say they love me when they left me?”
“Why did we talk about the future if they left?”
“Why did they leave without a real conversation?”
“How did they make the decision to leave without me?”
There are many more, but these are the some of the most common ones I hear. And it’s understandable, of course. I mean, trying to make sense of what happened is part of the grieving process.
So, how can we begin to get closure?
Since it’s something we can make, you can tap into your intuition to tell you what feels good and brings you peace.
Ultimately, isn’t that what we want? Inner peace knowing this is what is part of our path? That this breakup is meant to be?
Yeah, I mean that’s what I definitely wanted.
So here’s a list of things you can do to invite closure starting today:
Write an emotional letter and spill your heart out. Share your anger, fears, sadness, pain. Let it all out. Address it to your ex, but DO NOT send it. It can be cathartic to write it all down and release the emotional weight
Do a forgiveness meditation. I believe forgiveness heals everything even when you were wronged. But, this is something that might be something to consider a little farther down the road.
Write a letter from yourself 6 months from now and give yourself the guidance you would like on moving on. Sometimes it can feel like we don’t know what to do, so this exercise can be powerful to tap into your higher self. Be sure to meditate for a few minutes before beginning
Write a list of all the things you love & miss about your ex. And then tear it up in a full-body experience
Write a gratitude letter. Depending on where you’re at in your grief, you might be ready to thank your ex for the lessons and experiences. While there are lingering feelings and hurt, one of the best ways to release the burden of a breakup is by choosing gratitude even when it feels really tough
I hope at least one of the above appeals to you today. Remember, this is a process.
Some days you’re going to want to scream into a pillow. Other days you’re going to question everything until the cows come home. Both are part of the process.
Then you’ll have days where you’re going to feel ready to invite closure into your life, and you might feel called to choose one of these conscious options.
There’s no need to rush the process, and by choosing more conscious ways to take care of yourself during your breakup you’re giving yourself the gift of healing.
With Love,
Nancy
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Hey there, I’m Nancy! I’m a Conscious Breakup Coach dedicated to giving you conscious breakup advice during, well—one of the hardest times of your life. Let me know if this blog resonated for you by leaving a comment!
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